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tv   The Colbert Report  Comedy Central  December 7, 2012 7:00pm-7:30pm PST

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stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much, folks. there is tons of excitement in the air tonight. it is the final night of hobbit week. (cheers and applause) i'm so excited, folks. i'm so excited about tonight's show, i have been camping outside my studio since 5 a.m. dressed as my favorite character. tonight's guest director peter jackson. (cheers and applause) who has requested that tonight's interview be broken into three parts and aired every december until 2014. you know, folks, it's just been a great week. and spending time with the
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creators of the hobbit for the past four days has changed me in ways i never expected. i mean it's hard to put my finger on it. (laughter) i got to tell you, it is such high maintenance. i can never find the parts. and frankly my mani-pedi girl is on a suicide watch. but of course tonight a big story comes from my home state of south carolina. >> big breaking news in this town, senator jim demint, a tea party favorite and conservative icon is surprisingly resigning his seat he had tend of the-- end of the year. >> stephen: that's right, south carolina jim demint is de-quitting. now the decision on who will replace demint falls to south carolina governor and
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friend of the show nikki haley. but who will she pick. let's see, you want somebody young. somebody conserve fiv, somebody from south carolina. maybe somebody who had a super pac. wait a second. (cheers and applause) watch where you point that thing, it's powerful. okay. now folks i'm to the going to sit here and say i should be south carolina's next senator. not when so many other people are saying it for me. "u.s.a. today" is stephen colbert running for the u.s. senate. huffington post, stephen colbert for senate. role call, south carolina for stephen colbert. "new york post", are we ready for senator colbert? (cheers and applause) are we ready? well, i get it i get it i know when i look at the u.s.
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senate. i say to myself, you know what they could use, another white guy. (laughter) so i want you to take to the twitters, okay, take to the twitters. i want you to tweet@nikki-- ask nikki haley why she should appoint me to the u.s. is senate with the hashtag senator colbert. (cheers and applause) s that-- that feels right. now of course we all know jim demint leaves some big shoes to fill. then again-- (cheers and applause) but i'm not surprised that the people want me to have this honor. i've been honored in so many ways. in lego form, in ice cream, in space station treadmill, as a plush hockey mascot. which of course let me realize my dream of having
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drunk townies throw beer cans at me. but now the ultimate honor has come. being immortallized at madame tussaud's wax museum. they-- i know, i know, it's impressive. they have the world's biggest collection of glassy eyed fake celebrities outside of the bravo network. now -- while madame tussaud is a storied institution with 200 years of excellence, could even they capture my essence? find out tonight in. >> stephen colbert, wax on and wax off at madame tussaud the. last june i sat down with the art frist madame tussauds so i could get waxed. >> just leave a landing strip, okay, do that for me? they walked me through their painstaking process. >> when they make your figure they will insert every hair in your figure's individually, every eye lash, every eyebrow, it takes six
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weeks. >> that's fantastic. >> isn't it. >> i'm so glad that effort isn't going into curing cancer. >> if you have a tattoo somewhere we want to re-create that. >> i do. i have a black panther crawling out of my butt crack. >> that's awesome. >> it says welcome to the lair and the panther is going-- so you have a box of eyeball its. >> we do. >> do these come from chinese prisoners. >> they are glass, what are you talking about. >> i don't know what chinese people are made of. i have no idea. (laughter) next i slipped into something more revealing so they could measure my every nook and cranny. (cheers and applause) i feel dirty. >> so dan, how did you get this job. >> i'm the general manager at the madame in washington d.c..
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>> as a child did you dream of turning people slowly in a circle. >> oh, it burns! >> i did it. my work was done. i sat, then the artists got to work. while they attempted to reproduce my waxy pallor i headed to the museum in washington d.c. to check out my future wax companions. my guide was an incredibly life like dan ragosky. (laughter) we should get going. >> come this way. >> we started with a history of the museum.
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>> is it tussaud. >> why so french? >> she was a french woman. >> okay, but you're in america now, why not change the name to mamma doesy's house of candles. >> it has been around for 200 years. >> okay, all right. then it was off to the hall of celebrities. >> so this is all wax. >> that's correct. >> i know what i'm doing here. i'm not just some ham ture coming here and licking wax figurines. >> you may not lick them. >> let's move on. this is tiger woods. >> this is senator jackson. >> okayment i didn't recognize him because this is the longest i have ever seen him go without screaming the word [bleep]. >> johnny depp. >> can't lick any of these. >> can't lick one of these. >> no. >> can i lick it and you don't watch. >> i am not looking.
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>> could do you have the authority to do so. >> without does, can i talk to madame tussaud please. >> she died in 1850. >> i'm so sorry. i didn't know. apologize that was insensitive of me. very good. that's excellent. wow. you really captured me here. my hair is not that salt and peppery and i'm not this fat but that is my jaw. >> this is george clooney. >> i get that a lot. but it's very good. >> this is jennifer lopez. this doesn't seem appropriate. this is not in any way this does not feel right to me that i'm doing this. how much wax did you need to create my badonkadonk. >> it is fibreglass, are you a seeded figure. >> then why did you make a cast of your genitals. >> we did not make a cast of your genitals. >> someone made me squat in a bucket. >> that was not us. >> two days after you left someone came and said that. >> i a stumd was you guy. >> it was not. >> jon bon jovi. >> during his brief lesbian
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period. >> no. >> or the great tiger woods. >> no, this is marvin gaye. marvin gaye. >> okay from the 1960s. >> whoa, here we go. cory feldman. >> i think it's cory feldman. >> no, i'm pretty sure it is yoko ono. >> okay, did you used to have the beatles here but then when you installed her they all left? >> we have not had the beatles yet. >> word to the weitz, if history is any guide. >> all right, a long haul. >> when we return to stephen colbert wax on and wax off. and madame
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>> welcome back, everybody, now folks thank you very much before the break madame tussauds offered me a spot in their famous wax museum and then measured me for improper tallity. but the question remains could my smoldering good looks and blistering significance be captured in a medium with such a low melting point? let's find out in part two of -- >> stephen colbert wax on and wax off at madame tussauds. >> i had made it to the hall of presidents. >> this is george washington. >> no, he had wooden teeth. >> famously. >> he did. >> does this wax figurine have wooden teeth. >> it does to the. >> swing and a miss, swing
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and a miss on that one. larry feins from the three stooges. >> john adams, our second president. >> okay. the fun interactive set, you sit next to him in a chair. >> incredible. what other technology do you have. >> our 8th president. >> our first president with ironic faition hair. >> this is worth the price of admission right here just to pet his face. >> who is this. >> martin van burren. >> and this man, i did not realize we elected vampire to the senate. >> we didn't. this is william henry harrison. john tyler, 10th president had the most children, would you like to guess how many. >> 425. >> 14. >> 14. all right. who is this? >> our 18th president you lisses s grant. >> what does the s stand for. >> that's a great question. >> thank you. >> this doesn't seem fair. why does fdr get to sit
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down. >> i can lick him. >> you cannot. >> we're wearing almost the compaq same suit and tie t would be like licking myself. >> something i've also dreamed of doing. >> that i don't mind but not ronald reagan. >> i don't mind it either but all the hot-- isn't bringing that around. all right. i'm from the future. got to get out. >> can i lick him. >> no, please don't. >> why, you seem pretty up set just now. before you said no, now you seem up set. >> i'm getting up set. >> you're getting up set. why, why is this one so special, why does it up set you to ask if i can lick lincoln. >> you can't lick any of our wax figures. >> but this is the one that somehow broke the camel's back for you. something happened. >> one of our most popular president. >> yeah, i would say our most popular president. >> agreed. >> i seem to have a little more reference for these presidents than you do. lincoln i think if anybody should be able to lick him it should be i. you understand.
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i apologize. apologize for him. >> okay. so here we have tiger woods. >> this is harriet tubman. >> so technically it's not a hall of presidents. juliette gordon lowe, founder of the girl securities. >> and when was he president. >> she was not president. >> again, not hall of presidents. >> all right, this is it, tiger woods (applause) >> i'll take your word for it. finally we were ready for my unveiling and the whole world was watching. >> i want to thank everyone at madame tussauds for the honor of becoming the latest waxican american because become cast in wax is true immortality as long as the earth is not in any way getting warmer. at least it was time to give the people what they wanted. another me. but had madame tussauds captured my waxy essence.
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>> ladies and gentlemen, one, two, me! (cheers and applause) they did it. they made my dream a reality. and there was only one thing left to do. (cheers and applause) i am delicious. (cheers and applause) we'll be right back.
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>> welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight is the director of the hobbit. which takes place in a beautiful imaginary world called new zealand. please welcome peter jackson. (cheers and applause) good to see you again. >> how are you. >> stephen: sit down. it's good to see you again. >> yeah, thank you. >> stephen: and it is again. >> it is, i know. >> stephen: because a year and a half ago you invited me and my family down to the set. >> i did in new zealand. >> i did. >> stephen: i don't have a question. i just want everyone to know that for the record. >> it's true. >> stephen: i hung out down
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tlrb, it was awesome. >> you hung out. >> stephen: let's talk about what you did to make this film. first of all, why did you go 3-d on this thing. because i saw it on frichlt and i don't-- first of all, dow sell insurance to your audience because they might need it you got to strap in for this film it takes you for a ride. >> great, yeah, well, i mean, look as a director i've always liked to kind of take people from their seats and let them kind of come into the screen and be part of the action. i always try to do that just with the style that i direct and the lenses i use. so 3-d is a gift. >> stephen: you already shot the 3 films. why wait, why wait another year for the next one. why not just show me the next one now. >> okay, well, i tell you what, i'm the only person, he is the only person that, we are the only person that have seen the secretary film. i got most of it cut before i came over here. and i said dow guys want to have a look at the second film. this was a few days ago but they were too busy selecting for the premier they said no, no, we'll just see, you can
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believe that i offered them a chance to see it. >> stephen: well, can you-- i won't do my hair, i promise. did you bring it with you? do you have one on a thumb drive so i canning lock the door and lock you out and take it. >> okay, great. when i do come over? i won't tell anyone except the 4.5 million people on my twitter feed. >> we'll have a talk about that after. >> stephen: okay, all right. this is so amazing-- new zealand is so amazingablyly beautiful. these films so so important to your home country. you grew newspaper wellington. >> yup. >> stephen: you turned it into wellie wood. are you some guy walk around in his old neighborhood. >> yeah. >> stephen: is that incredible s that as satisfying as making its movies that you managed to do it where you want to do it? >> yeah, i mean look i was very lucky because i'm a kiwi. i live there and i love working there. we've got fantastic crews. and we just happened to be the lucky filmmakers that ended up doing lord of the rings in the most per spec country in the world to shoot it i often said if any
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other direct never the world was doing the lord of the rings new ze lan was probably the location they would have gone to. >> stephen: it looks like you built it to make the movie. >> i can open my backyard and walk out into the yard. >> stephen: did you think of any other technical innovations that you weren't able to use in lord of the rings that you can use for the hobbit. for instance, the scene with gollum, he is in some ways better even than he was in the lord of the rings what is different about him. i can tell something. >> well, there are two things. physically he's got more muscles in his face, gollum, andy serkis has the same muscles that he had 10 years ago. a little older and more flabby though. but gollum we've put more muss pells under his skin around his eyes and mouth so that every subtle expression that andy makes can be accurately replicated in the gollum puppet which makes the form of capture accurate. >> stephen: it is an incredible scene. the whole movie is dazzling but that scene itself i
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think is as good or better than anything in the lord of the rings. >> thank you. >> stephen: do you think it has anything to do with the fact that professor tolkien himself went back and wrote that scene after he finished the lord of the rings. he went and rewrote that kaptur. >> he revised it, didn't he. >> stephen: of the riddles in the dark chapter. so it has like a darker quality to it. >> yeah. >> stephen: than the rest of the book. >> it does. and i think, i mean tolkien from what i understand, you should tell me, actually. the appendices at the end of the return of the king, were they kind of like notes that he was preparing to do a revised version of the hobbit. there was a story i heard. >> stephen: the question was i think he finished the lord of the rings and then he looked back at the hobbit and he said well, the hobbit was probably, because he looked at things shall, like what is the history of this document that i'm supposedly translating into english. and he said well, why is the hobbit a children's story. and he thought oh, okay, someone turned it into a children's story although much more mature story.
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ah there must be another document that tells it in the same style of the lord of rings. i will go write that. >> okay. >> stephen: an then he got a ways into it and they said this is nice but it's not the hobbit. sow stopped. >> i'm so glad i came on this show. that is a question i have been wondering for quite a few years. >> stephen: i think that's the truth. >> yeah, right. >> stephen: okay. last question, you got to go be a famous director. but do you have a cameo in this one? >> i do. >> stephen: i couldn't find you. >> well, that's good, yay! i got one over you, fantastic. i'm in the first six or seven minutes in the movie but you will have to see it again, you see. >> stephen: i think i will. i think i will. peter jackson, thank you so much. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: peter jackson, the director of the hobbit. off with you now. we'll be right back.
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is. >> well, that's it for hobbit week, everybody, i will not say do not weep for not all tear >> from company dee central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. we've got a show for you tonight. going to break the bank. my guest tonight, right here on this stage, should i say a certain boss from n


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